So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why do cheetos always look like penises
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
