I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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