theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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