i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
