wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
