you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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