So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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