Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
