Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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