Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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