my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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