I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
