If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
