How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
