If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
