community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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