I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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