good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
