hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
