Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
