The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
