The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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