You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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