Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
