I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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