Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
