I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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