he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
