Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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