I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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