u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
