grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I don't think brook has ever known best
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
