holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
