Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
