You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
