You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
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