just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
