Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
