Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
