he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
