Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
