I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
our cab driver is having phone sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
