just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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