new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
