You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
