I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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