She's JV to your varsity
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
