Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Bring me that man meat
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize