Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize