I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
