The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
