This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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