be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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