It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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