I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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