We got so high we made milksteak
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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