Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
