just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
