Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
