yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
