Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
