yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
