There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
