WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
